The unspoken pain of watching our parents suffer

• We teach parents to put their children’s health first, but rarely remind them that their own health matters to their children, too

We often talk about how parents worry when their children fall sick. A child's fever, a medical emergency or even a small health concern can take away a parent's sleep and peace of mind. Parents are often willing to do everything within their capacity to see their children healthy and happy. However, in the middle of all these conversations, we tend to overlook something equally important: the health of parents also affects their children deeply.

We rarely talk about what it feels like to see the people who have always taken care of us struggle with their own health. For a child, parents are often the first source of comfort, security and strength. They are the people we turn to when something goes wrong. But what happens when they themselves begin to struggle? What happens when the people we have always considered strong start experiencing pain, weakness or illness?

A parent's illness is not just a medical concern; it becomes an emotional experience for the entire family. Sometimes, even a simple phone call from home can become a source of anxiety. Children begin to wonder whether their parents have taken their medicines, eaten properly or received the medical attention they need. A delayed phone call, an unexpected hospital visit or even a change in their voice can leave them worried for hours.

What makes this experience particularly difficult is that children do not always express what they are going through. They may be sitting in a classroom, attending a meeting, working on an assignment or carrying on with their daily routine, while their minds remain occupied with thoughts about their parents' health. They might smile, participate in conversations and appear completely normal, but somewhere inside, they are waiting for reassurance that everything is alright at home.

For those who live away from their families for education, employment or other responsibilities, this worry can become even more difficult to manage. Being miles away when a parent is unwell brings a different kind of helplessness. You want to be there, accompany them to the hospital, prepare their medicines, make sure they eat on time and simply sit beside them. You want to offer the same comfort they once offered you. But circumstances do not always allow this. You are left depending on phone calls and messages, hoping that the situation is better than what your mind is imagining.

There is also a side of this experience that often goes unnoticed. Children sometimes hesitate to express their fears because they do not want to worry their parents further. They try to sound normal during phone calls, avoid showing too much concern and sometimes hide their own emotional struggles just to keep their parents reassured. In a way, the roles begin to change. The people who once comforted us during our difficult moments now need reassurance from us, and we try our best to provide it.

As children grow older, they gradually realise that parents are not immune to illness, pain or the uncertainties of life. We grow up believing that our parents will always be there, that they will somehow find a way through every difficulty. It can be difficult to accept that they, too, have limitations and need care, attention and emotional support. Their vulnerability reminds us that the people we have always depended upon also need someone to depend upon.

We love our parents in ways that words often fail to explain. Perhaps that is why something inside us seems to shrink when we see them suffering. It is difficult to describe the feeling of watching the people who once stayed awake through our illnesses struggle with their own health. We wish we could take away their pain, make their discomfort disappear or somehow exchange places with them, just to see them feel better. Their well-being becomes a quiet concern that follows us even when we are occupied with other aspects of life.

Importantly, concern for parents' health does not disappear when children become independent. Whether they are studying in another city, building careers, managing households or living abroad, their emotional connection with their parents remains. Growing up may teach us to manage our own responsibilities, but it does not make us any less concerned about the people who raised us. Sometimes, a person who appears perfectly capable of handling life's challenges can feel completely helpless when a parent falls ill.

This is why conversations about family health should not focus exclusively on children. Parents' physical and emotional well-being matter just as much. Many parents become so occupied with their family's needs that they keep postponing their own medical concerns. They often dismiss persistent pain, ignore symptoms or delay medical check-ups, believing that they can manage everything later. They may not realise how much their children worry when they do so.

Taking care of one's health is not merely a personal responsibility; it is also an act of consideration towards the people who love us. Regular health check-ups, timely medical attention, proper rest and not neglecting persistent symptoms can make a meaningful difference. Parents, too, deserve the same attention and care that they have spent their lives giving to others.

We should also create a space where children can openly discuss the emotional impact of parental illness without being considered overly sensitive. Worrying about one's parents is not a sign of weakness. It is a natural expression of love, attachment and the fear of seeing someone important suffer. Such feelings deserve understanding rather than dismissal.

We spend so much time reminding parents to protect their children, but perhaps it is equally important to remind them to protect their own health. Children do not stop needing their parents simply because they grow up, and parents do not stop being important to their children simply because those children become independent.

There is perhaps no greater helplessness than wishing you could take away the pain of the people who spent their entire lives trying to keep yours away from you.